Snore Wars: The Chatterjee Express

A sleepy train, a senior couple, and Tiya’s innocent honesty create a scenario that becomes truly irresistible.

Mr. and Mrs. Chatterjee were travelling to Delhi, from where they would board a flight to spend three wonderful months with their daughter and her Irish husband. They were beside themselves with excitement. Their daughter had recently welcomed a brand-new granddaughter, little Ishani, and the Chatterjees could hardly wait to hold her, kiss her tiny cheeks and spoil her rotten.

They had packed everything imaginable—baby clothes, gifts, sweets, homemade pickles and enough unsolicited parenting advice to last several generations. The only thing they had forgotten to pack was silence.Because Mr. Chatterjee snored.And not ordinary snoring.His was the kind that seemed to have an introduction, a middle section and a grand finale. Mrs. Chatterjee had been complaining about it for years.

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Their overnight train journey to Delhi began peacefully. After breakfast the next morning, while Mr. and Mrs. Chatterjee settled into their berths, Tiya, who was travelling with her parents, wandered around the compartment, full of energy and completely uninterested in sitting still. Eventually, she spotted an empty seat beside the elderly couple.“Can I sit here?” she asked politely.

Mrs. Chatterjee smiled and moved her handbag. “Of course, dear. Come and sit.”Tiya settled down happily between them, completely unaware that she had just secured the best seat in the entire compartment.She was about to become the official witness to the Great Chatterjee Snoring saga.

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For the first few minutes, everything was peaceful. Then Tiya looked at the couple with a puzzled expression. “Uncle… Aunty… I couldn’t sleep properly last night.” The couple looked concerned. “Oh dear! Why?” Tiya replied innocently,“Because both of you were snoring.”

Silence.

The kind of silence that happens just before a family WhatsApp group explodes. Mr. Chatterjee slowly turned towards his wife. “I told you,” he said triumphantly. “You snore!” Mrs. Chatterjee stared at him. “I snore?”

“Yes.”

“Then why,” she asked sweetly, “did Tiya say both of us?”

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Mr. Chatterjee suddenly became extremely interested in the scenery outside the window.“I probably snored because you were snoring.” “So now your snoring is my fault?”

“No, but your snoring disturbed me.” “And what did you do?”

“I snored.”

“Exactly!”

Tiya watched them with the fascination of someone enjoying a live comedy show without having paid for a ticket. Across the aisle, a young man buried his face in his blanket to hide his laughter. An aunty two berths away whispered to her husband, “See? This is why I travel alone.”

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Her husband quietly replied, “You snore too.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Meanwhile, the Chatterjees had moved on to Exhibit B.

“I have never snored in my life,” Mrs. Chatterjee declared. Her husband laughed. “Really? Last night you sounded like a tractor trying to climb a hill.” “And you sounded like a buffalo with a blocked nose!”

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Someone in the upper berth suddenly shouted,

“PLEASE! WE ARE ALL AWAKE NOW!”

The entire compartment burst out laughing. Tiya smiled proudly. “I think,” she announced, “you should both stay awake tonight.”

Mr. and Mrs. Chatterjee looked at each other.  For once, they agreed. “Absolutely.”

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But Mrs. Chatterjee was not finished. She lowered her voice and gave her husband the look. “I told you to take those homeopathy medicines for your snoring. But no, you never listen to me! What will happen when we reach Ireland? Baby Ishani will wake up every time you start that orchestra. And your son-in-law will be so upset with you!”

Mr. Chatterjee looked deeply offended. “Fine! Then I won’t fly!” Mrs. Chatterjee stared at him. “What?”

“I said I won’t fly. You go. I’ll stay here.” “Stay here? And do what?”

“Sleep peacefully.”

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For a moment, there was complete silence. The passengers relaxed. Perhaps the matter had finally been settled. Tiya smiled. The young man across the aisle lowered his blanket. Even the aunty who had been pretending not to listen looked relieved.

But…

five minutes later, Mr. Chatterjee started snoring again. Mrs. Chatterjee sat bolt upright. “SEE! You are doing it again!”  Mr. Chatterjee opened one eye. I am not snoring.”

“You ARE!”

“That is impossible. I am awake!”

From the upper berth came a sleepy voice: “Sir, whether you are awake or asleep, your nose clearly has its own schedule.” The compartment exploded with laughter. Mrs. Chatterjee tried to remain angry but couldn’t help laughing. Mr. Chatterjee looked around indignantly.

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“I am never travelling by train again.”

Tiya giggled.

“Uncle, maybe the train isn’t the problem.”

He looked at her suspiciously. “Then what is?”

Tiya smiled innocently. “Aunty’s ears.”

Mrs. Chatterjee burst out laughing. Even Mr. Chatterjee finally surrendered.  He shook his head and smiled at his wife. For the first time that morning, they were laughing together instead of arguing. Then Mrs. Chatterjee leaned towards him and whispered, “Just imagine, if Ishani inherits your snoring…”

Mr. Chatterjee looked horrified.

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As the train rattled towards Delhi, the Chatterjees continued their journey towards their brand-new granddaughter, with plenty of love, a suitcase full of gifts, and one very important mission:To find a cure for Mr. Chatterjee’s nose before he met his Irish son-in-law and little Ishani. After all, three months with a newborn baby is not a short while.

 

About the author

  • Sanjukta Das

    Sanjukta Das is an author, educator, Art of Living teacher, life coach, and social entrepreneur passionate about inspiring personal growth and positive change. Through education, storytelling, and community service, she empowers people to discover their potential and lead more meaningful lives. She is the author of two books of poetry—‘My Twirls: The Said and the Unsaid’ and ‘The Trivial and the Perfect’.

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