Growing up, I was frequently asked a question that always managed to put me on the spot: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
I remember other children confidently declaring,”A doctor”; “An engineer!”; “A pilot!”; Their answers always seemed to instantly impress the adults. Because singing was—and still is—a vital piece of my life, I eventually found the courage
to answer, “A singer!”; My response, however, was usually met with hesitant, lukewarm smiles.
Even then, I found this question itself entirely absurd. Adults seemed far more concerned with who they wanted us to become, rather than what we truly desired. I often wondered why anyone would want to chase a profession simply because society deemed it praiseworthy. Why couldn’t I just be myself? Why couldn’t I explore my inner world and discover my own sense of place and meaning, doing what truly made me happy and whole?
I was never considered a “bright” student. I was slow, often lagging behind, completely detached from the subjects taught at school. Frequent complaints from teachers led to painful, unpleasant experiences at home. Looking back, I highly suspect I had attention deficit disorder; but in those days, the condition was entirely misunderstood, leaving me undiagnosed and unsupported.
In my extended family, a strict, black-and-white rule prevailed: a child who didn’t make the grade was labeled unworthy and “bad” while the achiever was showered with praise and deemed “good”. Because I often fell into the former category, the way I was treated significantly impacted my sense of self. It led me to question my very existence. Why was I born? Who was I supposed to be? And why were people so obsessively focused on an easily digestible, career-oriented answer to what I wanted to become? I was never driven by a hunger for attention, fame, or ambition. I simply wanted to remain unseen, except by those who genuinely loved me. Love is all I ever wanted, because love is the only anchor that prevents us from falling apart.
As I grew older, I learned to cultivate that love within myself. I realized that I am my own best friend and my own advocate. Only I truly know my strengths and weaknesses, and only I can do the work to improve them. I am not on this earth to please others, and their opinions do not define me. Through this journey of self-love, I unlocked a deeper love and respect for others, a profound appreciation for nature, and the clarity to discern truth from falsehood.
“Love is the absolute certainty that one lives with and coexists with everything, thus, in everything which exists: in fauna and flora, in fellow humans, in every material and spiritual life-form no matter which kind and in the existence of the entire universe and beyond. Love is the absolute certainty, absolute knowledge and the absolute feeling and comprehension that all life is a fragment of one’s own life.” — BEAM, The Law of Love.
Children need the space to breathe and simply be so they can discover who they are. As a parent, this realization completely shaped how I see my autistic son. I strive to truly see him—his unique joys, challenges, strengths, and vulnerabilities—and to support him unconditionally with the deep respect he deserves. He is incredibly talented and possesses a stunning singing voice. Alongside meditation, music and singing have become powerful tools for his self-discovery, and I nurture them joyfully.
His father and I wait patiently, with childlike curiosity and eagerness, for him to reveal himself to us. We have never asked him the question that haunted my own school days. Instead, it is an absolute joy to get to know our son as he shares his world, his unique perspectives, and his desires with us. We simply provide a sanctuary of love and support for him to grow, building our relationship on a foundation of mutual respect and trust.
While some children might grasp their career paths early on, most human beings need time to figure themselves out before deciding what field to pursue—a choice that has absolutely nothing to do with their inherent worth. Grades do not define us. They do not shape our personality, our character, or our morality. While good grades can open professional doors, a well-rounded personality with a
sound character does not depend on them.
Introspection is essential to living a fulfilled life and helping others do the same. Children naturally understand this; let us not take it away from them. Let us stop trying to mold them in our own expectations or dictate their career paths. Instead, let them discover themselves and flourish in their own time. While a solid basic education and practical life skills are necessary, they should never come at the cost of a child losing themselves in the process. We must respect what they reveal to us, walking alongside them with quiet observation, unwavering support, and love.
In the beautiful words of poet Becky Hemsley: “Instead of asking children what they want to be when they grow up, perhaps we should
start asking them who they want to be when they grow up. And instead of answers like a singer, a teacher, a doctor, a plumber, perhaps we’ll get answers like… someone who is kind and loves to help others, someone who makes people laugh and brings them joy, someone who is brave and not afraid to take risks, someone who can change the world, someone who is happy. Yes, if we stop thinking that life has to be mapped out during our childhood or throughout our teenage years – when we’re still figuring out who we are – perhaps we’ll get future generations who grow up focusing on who they’re becoming. What we become is rooted in who we are. Not the other way around.”
When I look back at my own life, it has often been far more challenging than I would have liked. It forced me to honestly confront myself, to ask where the roots of my problems truly lay. Over time, I realized that I had created many of my own obstacles, and that the solutions—even to external challenges—resided entirely within me.
I have come to understand that honest, fearless, and unpretentious self-analysis is the skeleton key to genuine freedom and a fulfilling life. This requires a tremendous amount of internal work, best done in moments of profound stillness. Introspection and meditation are extraordinarily beneficial, especially when we learn to harness the power of our thoughts and embrace the absolute value of self-control through personal responsibility.
“If the human being does not shrink back from an honest self-examination, then – in is/her finding of inner freedom and finding of self – he/she will recognize and reach a Ziel, for which the entire innermost nature yearns. And that goes for all realms of life, thus for the purely external and material matters as well as for the things of the inner self, of the consciousness, of the psyche, the morality, the character and fundamentally, naturally, the spirit (Creation-energy) which – as the highest of the creational goods, and as a tiny fragment of the Creation itself – enlivens the human body. Even if it were the human being’s single Ziel to only live for pleasure, to live an existence in laziness or to
only accumulate wealth, he/she would have to be ready to make great personal sacrifices in order to be able to reach his/her Ziel. But personal commitment and efforts are also required even more of those human beings who strive for a life which is strong and well-
rounded, full of peace, love, equalisedness, freedom and harmony.”
— Might of Thoughts (Macht der Gedanken), p. 44 
Read more columns by P.G. Aria HERE.